Born with Vagina on her Face (bizzare)

A 23 year old russian women is hoping scientists in America are able to remove a physical mutation that has ruined her life.

Dr Hymen Prepuce a world renowned Plastic Surgeon believes that despite complexity of the mutation, they will be able to restore her face to include a functioning mouth and nose.

As a child Mrs Clitovsky was sold to a travelling Romanian Freak Show and then spent a number of years being forced to work in the underground porn industry in her home country of Moscow where she met her current husband, American, Billy No-Stars Jr III.

"I was working as a cameraman on one of the russian porn flicks. It was love at first site. I cut a deal with the gang that owned her, then had her shipped to my apartment back in the States".

The operation will take place on Jan 15th 2008 in Wisconsin, USA.

Stupid CocaCola adverts

'
Holidays are coming'
'Holidays are coming'

NO!!!!!

*Christmas* is coming, you fucking overpriced, over-rated, tooth rotting drink.

Get it right Coca Cola you corporate blood-sucking cunts.

My Teddy is Called "Raghead"

2007. Okay, so that women in Sudan got some time in the clink and 40 lashes for letting some sand monkeys call their class Teddy "Mooohamad" Muslim outrage!

2001 . Some ragheads fly planes into the twin towers. NO Muslim outrage!

Spot the diference?

Madeline McCann Case Solved

Portuguese Detectives announced today that despite world opinion, they do actually have a clue.

It was:

Colonel Mustard - in the bathroom - with a candlestick holder.

Madeline McCann Missing girl case thing!

I am sick and fucking tired of hearing about this case. There is real shit happening in the world like countries threatening to invade each other, but NO.

"Sky Bastard News" keep doing stories on the McCann case.

A child dies of hunger every 2 minutes in this world, yet "Sky Noos" spends precious airtime reporting this bollocks about the McCanns.

BREAKING NEWS "This just in.........the McCanns are still whinging scottish bastards. We are hoping to hear a statement from another scottish bastard, Prime Minister Gordon Brown shortly. Then we will be speaking directly with celebrity wig-wearing, wife-beating, scottish bastard Sean Connery.

Come on News channels. Get a fucking grip. He was crap as James Bond anyway!

I am back in the saddle

Get ready to see plenty of posts from the internet's most controversial blogger.

PIN Numbers

For fuck's sake people, how hard is it to remember FOUR numbers?

Yet you always get the moron who farts around (and hopefully ends up having their card swallowed) who cannot remember their number.

Old people are the worst...they remember the war in crystal clarity, but it's all a fucking blank with pin numbers.

AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

Vladimir Putin (The Russian Dictator)

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Okay, let's just get this straight Vladimir, so I understand correctly.

You ordered the assasination of over 20 journalists,

but left Jerry Springer Alive???????

What the fuck is all that about? Surely you could have sent that annoying guy some radioactive hair-gel or something?

You time wasting russian crook, Vlad.

News Reporters not wearing ties.

Who the fuck do you think you are?

When did this "Casual News" thing start?

You are a guest in millions of homes, and you dress as if you were called in to work on your day off.

Put a fucking tie on or get off my TV.

Disrespectful, scruffy bastards.

Young Travellers. Go and get a job

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"Oh god. It was just like, *so* amazing. It really broadened my mind, you know, meeting people from different cultures and experiencing how they live. I''ll never forget it"

Translation 1: Daddy paid for me to sit in a themed Irish pub in Sydney for two years getting fingered by Australian bricklayers at closing time.

Translation 2: Daddy paid for me to fuck under age Thai prostitutes.

Travellers are cunts.

X-Factor Viewers. You all need to get a life.

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Christ, I never thought I'd find myself saying this to anyone, but get a fucking life!

And no, "there's nothing else on" is NOT a fucking excuse for watching this barrel-scraping crap.

If you want to kill an hour, go out, listen to paint dry, or something, but for God's sake, PLEASE don't tell me about it on Monday.

The Royal fucking Family fucking annoy me.

Prince Philip.

Mohammed Al Fayed claims that.................. wait for it!

"Prince Philip was an MI6 spy"

Spy? Spy??????

Fucking SPY?????

This senile Greek cunt can't tie his own fucking shoelaces let alone pretend to be James Bond.

So pipe down old-timer, it was 10 years ago when your son and Princess Diana died. Just because you have a few million, it doesn't mean your family members don't accidentally die like everyone else's. You fez wearing fuck.


Prince Charles

Jug-eared waster who if he didn't have the luck of being born a prince, would not even get a job as a road sweeper.

The Queen

This bitch didn't step in when Margaret Thatcher created the poll tax.

You should have dissolved parliament you stupid women, that's what we pay you for.

Princess Diana (deceased)

I am not one to speak ill of the dead but, if you really were the "Princess of Hearts" and a Saint etc, then why didn't you leave that 32 Million Pounds Sterling to charity?

No, you Diana, left all that money to those two inbred mutant sons of yours, who would never ever need that money. They will be taken care of in oppulent luxury until the day they die. So why leave them all that money?

Princess of Hearts? More like "Princess of Arse"

Princes William and Harry

For fuck's sake do you really, really expect us to believe that those prize throbbers Wills and Harry seriously passed the officers course at Sandhurst?

I know a few hyperfit, hyper-intelligent people who struggled through that shit, yet these two uber-cunts get through grinning from ear to ear.

We know for a fact that losing your weapon is a court martial offence, but that cheesy mong Wills still sails through. As if anyone was seriously gonna give them a hard time or fail them... it's their granny's army for fucks sake.

I wouldn't give those two cunts a job flipping burgers, never mind leading the cream of our fighting men.

The Army top brass, you really are a set of privilege-loving cunts

Also, why is William going bald in his 20´s yet his brother has a hair-do like a ginger toilet brush??

NO WAY are they of the same father.

SUBWAY Sandwich "Artists"

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Firstly let me just point out the fucking obvious...Artist?

You slide a fucking bread roll along what can only be described as a fucking sandwich assembly line and fill it with meat and salad. (already sliced!) But you don't even create the sandwich do you?

No, the fucking customer tells you exactly what to put in it. Artist my arse!

Secondly, when I ask you for a £1.99 sub of the day all I want is a £1.99 sub of the day.

NO, I don't want extra meat.
NO, I don't want extra cheese.
NO, I don't want a cookie.
NO, I don't want a bag of crisps.
NO, I don't want a drink.

Minimum wage monkies!

Politicians all suck!

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For being the lowest, most lying-est, two faced, greedy, shady, corrupt, contemptible, whoring-est, worthless, wanked out sleaze-ridden bags of cunt scratchings off a camels hairy asshole ,that have ever slithered their rank, bloated, pus-filled, over stuffed and useless bodies over this godforsaken rock.

There is anal bacteria on pluto that have a higher worth than you bunch of fuckstumps.

I wish you all a good long stay ( preferably for eternity) in the festering cesspool you rectum raiders leaked out of.

Cunts, all of you!

Tom Fucking Jones

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You look like a potato with hair.

In fact no, you have a face like someone has stuffed a hundred walnuts into a condom.

By the way, that's not singing either.

Who told you you could sing you fucking screeching old welsh cunt?

Sex Bomb? More like Twat Bomb!

Do people actually PAY to watch him sing?

Yes, she's famous. Yes he's a prick!

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I mean, this is only a big deal if you are:

1. American
2. Britney Spears
3. Kevin Federline
4. Their Divorce Lawyers
5. A Sad Fucker.

Get a life people, there are millions of people dying in the world in wars, famine and shit like that.

Who gives a fuck about some over-the-hill bitch who I have never fucked?

Anyway, she has a voice like a cinder under a door!

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People who wear sunglasses indoors. STOP!

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You are everywhere, Cafes, Pubs, Trains. etc. You are not cool, hip, trendy or "with it" You are just a fucking dickhead.

Stop it........You annoy me and everyone who sees you.

If you are blind, I apologise, if you're not, you are a fucking idiot.

Scientists (who is paying these fuckers?)

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NEWSFLASH!

"Scientists discover one gets more sexual satisfaction after intercourse than masturbation".

Nice one guys, now how about cracking on with this whole 'cancer' pickle???

The biggest question is, who is dumb enough to pay a scientist to shag and wank anyway?

For fuck's sake. The world is really getting ridiculous now.

Umbrellas (read the instruction manual for fuck's sake)

Why do some idiots insist on having an umbrella up when its clearly not raining anymore?

Close it down you morons - the rain's fucking stopped.

Also,

don't walk around with it swinging in front of you, have it pointing down to the ground.

It's annoying when people need to risk walking into oncoming traffic to avoid being impaled on your crappy over-sized umbrella.

Have some fucking respect for other people you retards.

Veterinary Doctors (You robbing bastards)

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You shove a pill down my dog's throat and a thermometer up his arse.

Within 5 minutes you are charging me 50 quid for the pleasure.

Why don't I give you the shirt off my back too?

Overpaid fuckers.