Blue LEDs (just fucking stop it)

Manufacturers. Please, stop putting these fucking things in every consumer electrical device.

True, they were cool for all of 30 seconds about 5 years ago, but now I can't buy a fucking thing without a "Cool blue LED effect".

I can't focus on that stupid blue halo glare they give off, making it more of a chore to use.

Try a diffrent colour or go back to using red LEDs, you fucking bastards.

Dead Hamster. This is taking the piss now!

.

A new wheel and cage and you're dead!!

You dare to die on me, the night before I plan to give you to my disabled cousin for her birthday and you're fucking dead!

YOU FUCKING STONE COLD DEAD HAIRY BASTARD!

Worse than fucking Wasps hamsters are.

Hamsters die for no reason, and wasps sting for no reason.

Evil, irritating, sting-you-for-no-fucking reason-other-than-they-feel-like-it little bastards, another reason to hate the Summer (other than tourists)

all-round yellow and black striped zebra wannabee wankers who were the reason jam-jars were invented, just so I can lure the unsuspecting littlle fuckers to their demise....buzzing flying cunts.

Go to hell you Wasps and Hamsters (and Zebras)

.

Becks "Beer" suck donkey balls

.
I believe the publicity, it may indeed only take "four steps to produce".


1. piss in a bucket.

2. throw in a used tampon.

3. add yeast via a hobos sock.

4. bottle and sell to idiots with no taste.


.

Zebras. Get off my fucking television

.


Okay,





On the rare occasion that I get to sit down and watch some TV, I may be tempted to flick to the Discovery Channel (if SouthPark isn't on). I am assuming that Discovery already know we are all now know everything there is to know about Sharks and Nazis.

Guess what. Now it is fucking Zebras.

Zebras this,.........zebras that.......... etc.

Listen executives at the Discovery Channel, there is nothing special about Zebras okay? They are just horses with stupid stripes, running around in Africa.

Not so cocky when they have a lion hanging of their arses are they?

Writers with so called "writer's block" annoy me!

.
So you're a writer (or at least you claim to be)

Listen pal, if you can't think of something to write, then you're shit at your job which make you NOT A WRITER.

Don't blame an abstract concept for your inability to do what you're paid to do you talentless fuckers.

Women on trains. JUST STOP!

.
"So he said to her...and she said to him...and did you know that...and you'll never guess what...and oh really...and no way...and yes way.....what a cow....etc......"

WILL YOU PAIR OF IDIOTS SHUT THE FUCK UP LONG ENOUGH SO I CAN READ MY PAPER JUST ONE MORNING A WEEK??

Chattering bitches!

Tent Manufacturers. Stop misleading people!!!

.
Okay, I go to the store and buy a tent.

It says on the box 2 MAN tent. So I use it andf guess what, I can only fit myself in and perhaps a midget (assuming one is available).

Why do they call it a 2 MAN tent????

I go back to the store and complain, the guy says.

"Its normal, what you need is a 3 MAN tent, and I have a special tent here, its called a 2 Second tent".

So I bought one and went camping.

INSTRUCTION MANUAL SAYS

Congratulations on your purchase of a MK3 2 Second Tent.

MOUNTING INSTRUCTIONS.

Pull the flap on the bag and allow the tent to t burst out in 2 seconds. Your tent is now ready, totally errected, ready for sleeping.

Amazing???? (not quite)

PACKING INSTRUCTIONS

You will need the following to put your tent back in the storage bag.

1. Several hours of your precious time.

2. A degree in Physics.

3. The entire ship's company of the USS KittyHawk.

Your tent is now ready for storage.

For fuck's sake!

STOP MISLEADING THE PUBLIC, YOU TENT MANUFACTURERS.

Asteroids! Arrggghhhhh!!!!!!!

.
You huge rocky fuckers that regularly threaten to obliterate all life on Earth, then invariably fucking miss by about 700,000 miles.

Get a GPS unit you extraterrestrial "couldn't hit a barn door" space retards or stay off my fucking news station!

Men who wear skinny tight jeans.

.
I don't understand you and you scare me.

You fucking weirdos.

Airport "Security"???? Fuck you and the horses you rode in on!

.
NO LIGHTERS! NO LIQUIDS! ENORMOUS FUCKING QUEUES!

Funny then every time over the last month, after standing in line like a fucking idiot for 40 minutes, I've walked through with a rucksack containing cigs, lighters, moisturiser and shower gel.

So you're not REALLY checking, or just pretending a bit, so committed terrorists get a little nervous.

What a pile of absolute bollocks!

Boring people suck!

.
Sitting in watching Discovery documentary after Discovery documentary with their lives and then getting all hoity toity and dissaproving when you mention that you have a life outside of work and home.

Has someone not hand his tiny little girlish penis stroked by someone else for a very long time????

Is that why you're so uptight? Is it?

Yes, i think it is.

'Can i call you back...?'

.
"...It's just that you've caught me in the middle of a meeting/shag/wanking/shit/something more important than talking to you."

Why do these fuckwits answer the phone if they're in the middle of something so friggin important?

Wankers!

Gun totin` Americans

.
Are you fucking even stupider than you look? Preventing more school shootings by arming teachers...for fucks' sake.

Get a fuckin` grip you twats.

30 miles an hour????

.
Has anyone ever tried actually driving at this speed? Soul sapping "what is the fuckin point" dire nonsense of a speed limit.

Hurry up with the hovercars or some shit you scientist retards.