Saturday, September 16, 2006

Israel, Hamas, Hezbollah, USA, Al-Queda etc...

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No-one's got the time or inclination to get in to WWIII, so will you stroppy twats all calm the fuck down, please!

If you wanna kill each other, do it on the bastard moon or something.

Thats what NASA was for wasn't it?

NEO
ARSEHOLE
SPACE
ADMINISTRATION

Damn, I forgot, you faked the moon landings, or at least MGM did it for you.

Jumped up editors (scum of the earth)

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They are morons, in particular those who are given 'special' projects at BBC so that their big spacky hands don't crash the whole BBC empire.

Flabby waste of space carrion with little or no trace of human ability or life in them. Likely to ask what Hay On Wye festival is even if they're supposed to be a literary expert, or what the Glastonbury festival is, even though they're a music 'buff'.

Traits:

1.) Disorganised to the point of utter fuckdom.

2.) Incompetent- to the point where you want to stab your own eyes out rather than work for them.

3.) Twattishness- and twats of the highest order at that. Slobbering little retarded fuck-sicles.

If they didn't get bummed by some BBC chief when they were younger, these fuck-tards would be asking people for spare change on the subway now.

Celebrity Magazines Suck Donkey Balls

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Who gives two fucks about which diet some tart is on this week?

Who gives two fucks which z-lister is getting a good dicking this week?

The world is going to shit and you all spend £1 at least, polluting both your mind and your soul with this?

Be brave and give that £1 to charity, just for one week - and just read the mag in your local store if you are that addicted to celebrity trash.

For fucks sake!

BBQs suck!

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You bastard of a contraption, I can't keep away from you.

I fucking stink of smoke, I'm covered in burns and you keep fucking up my food, why can't I keep away from you and use the oven?

You charcoal burning cunt.

TV Program Makers

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Here's a new show for you, I sit in the room with all you "Executives".

I have a loaded gun and everytime you come up with an idea that I don't like I shoot one of you in the head.

We can televise the meeting and let the viewers phone in to decide who I execute last.

Much more fun than FUCKING Big Brother, don't you think?

Girls who can't walk straight

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I don't care if you took one up the wrongen last night. I don't care if you're 4 stone overweight or "with it".

How fucking difficult is it to walk in a straight line when leaving a train station at rush hour?

Unblinkered bitches!

Using obscure quotes (its annoying)

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People who reference obscure quotations to make a point - leave it there, you have made your smug literary point, those who get it, get it, those who don't will never ever ever be impressed by you pointing out the source of the quote.

"People who use obscure quotations are wankers"
Napoleon Bonaparte 1812

"Kinder Surprise" Eggs things

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Yes, I do fucking realise that 'kind' means 'child' or 'kid' or whatever the cunt you want it to mean you foreign fuck, but for the love of god, make a bar of chocolate, that does not come filled with a shit little waste of a toy.

All i want is a good suck on your luscious chocolate.

Greenpeace (those eco-hippy people)

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I can say this with every bit of confidence; these people are worse than Nazi Paedophiles, the only thing they're doing is making the world WORSE.

A bunch of ill-informed, arrogant, jobless, vegan bastards with rich parents.

People like that should NOT be telling everyone how we can improve the world because they've no clue what constitutes an ideal world.In an ideal world, there wouldn't be any starvation, yet when GM crops were introduced, you persuaded a nation naive to scientific advances that GM crops will kill them and turn their new borns into mutants with NO EVIDENCE WHATSOEVER to back this up, other than stating it's "unnatural", so they turned it down.

Congratulations, you get to keep your HQ's around the world, get your advertising plastered around Glastonbury every time, you have influence in both the political and social world, you've doomed the lives of over a BILLION people, and your membership is growning by the day.

Go to hell Greenpeace, and take the horses you rode in on with you.

Attracting nutters in the street

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I'm standing at the bus stop minding my own business.

You stand near me and smile. I totally ignore you. You start coming closer to me. I move away slowly.

You try and strike a conversion and trying not to be rude, I give you monosylabic answers. This gives you the go ahead to think that I'm now your new best friend.

Leave me you alone, you loon!!!!

Tom-Tom GPS Advertisment (sucks)

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"Steve Steve, do I turn left?"

"Steve Steve, where now?"

Hopefully to the depths of hell with your advertising creator, his parents, siblings, children and everyone he went to school with.

It needs to end here.

Please!

UK Weetabix Students


"They're just like so great, if you haven't got any milk, you can put anything else on them!

"Weetabix with Smoothie!"

What, so you haven't got a 35p pint of semi-skimmed, but you're happy to tip a two-quid bottle of fruit-juice-for-wankers over your breakfast?

I'll remember that next time you bastards protest about student debt.

Tossers!

Friday, September 15, 2006

George Lucas (stop annoying me, you dwarf)

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Fuck off and write something that involves people acting, not just waving their arms about in front of a blue screen.

If I liked CGI that much I would stick my dick in a PlayStation.

That character with the floppy ears that walked like Huggy Bear from Starski and Hutch sucked too.

Mind you, so did Starski and fucking Hutch.

Fat people who are comfortable with themselves!

I'm not surprised, it must be like having a pillow permanently attached to your backside.

"Its just big bones"

Yeah, big bones covered in meat and gravy.

"I eat the occasional sweet"

Yeah, fucking three-piece-suite by the look of things.

You are not "comfortable with it", just can't be bothered to do any excercise, you waffle eating cunts.

Victoria Beckham's new haircut

What the fuck is this shit doing in my newspaper?

Who gives a flying fuck is she has had her extensions cut off? The skinny twiglet-bodied cunt.

Annoying 'Microsoft Office' Animated Paperclip thing!

"I see you're writing a letter."

I'd be writing it a lot faster if you'd just FUCK OFF, YOU PATRONISING CUNT.

Einstein option is even more annoying.

Get off my COMP!

'Apple' devotees

If Steve Jobs did a shit, you monkies would probably all salivate over it, shortly before you complain it scratches easily.

Wake up you daft cunts, buy a proper computer.

Calling someone a wanker

In all the American movies, they always have an English guy calling everyone a "wanker".

How is that an insult?

If I could get out of working I'd sit at home watching porn and spanking my monkey until I became unconscious.

And who would I be hurting? No-one.

Exactly!

German Backpackers

Ruin my holiday by turning up EVERYWHERE and trying to be friends with me.

On the train, in the pub, in the backpacking hostel. Some of these idiots are 50 years old and not hippies and yet are still backpacking.

Check into a B&B you twats like everyone else your age. They have no sense of humour, are a bunch of pedantic twats and complain about everyone and everything in our country.

I know I am going to hate Germany so I don't go there on holiday. Why the fuck come here for a holdiay if you know you are going to hate it?

Stupid dicks.

ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!

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Time wasting, ineffective, bastards!